I think I've officially passed the point of being young and am now middle aged.

I had this conversation over the summer about when you start being an adult in the eys of the world, and it mostly focused on celebrities/athletes/etc being younger than you. I still believe that is the defining point at which one goes from being young to an adult. But I'm talking about something much more severe - the transition from adult to middle aged.

I was listening to my favoite radio program - This American Life - last night on a podcast and they were talking about breakups. It hit home with me having recently been through a breakup that I am in no way over yet, but that's not the real issue here. During one of the segments, they played a Phil Collins song - Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now). Now I'll be the first to say that I always saw Phil Collins as a...what's the term...oh yeah, no-talent-ass-clown, and really a poor man's Peter Gabriel, and or the most part that's still true (in fact, if I ever hear Sussudio again I might have to kill someone) but damn, that song is good. Here are the lyrics. See if you can look at them and not immediately think ofthe last time your heart was broken.

How can i just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace
When i stand here taking every breath
with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
When all i can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain
and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now,
well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
and that's what i've got to face

I wish i could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much i need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face

Now take a look at me now,
cos there's just an empty space
But to wait for you, is all i can do
and that's what i've got to face

Take a good look at me now,
cos i'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance i've gotta take

Take a look at me now

I don't think he's a no-talent-ass-clown anymore, but I do think the only way to improve this song is to have Peter Gabriel sing it. I guess I can hang on to that.

I like it!

Well, I for one am on board with the Democratic ticket. I'm not going to pretend that there was anyone that Obama could have picked other than maybe Kim Jong Il that would have turned me off of him, but the more I hear from Biden, the more I like him. What's ironic about all of this is that Obama didn't come out of left field for me - I was in Illinois when he was running for Senate - but I don't really know that much about Biden. He wouldn't have been my first choice (Michael Phelps), but I don't think he meets the Constitutional requirements.

Anything's possible

I remember driving out to the National Debate Tournament in Las Vegas this summer. When going through the Hoover Dam, I kept thinking that we can do anything - anything at all - if we really dedicate ourselves to it.

No land where you think there should be some, just ask the people in Dubai if that's possible.

Land where you don't want there to be any, see Panama.

How far away is the moon? I guess it doesn't matter because we shot people there several times on a rocket with less computing technology than I'm using right now to type a blog.

That's what I mean by dedication. If we put enough intelligence, planning, money, time, and labor into any dream we have, it can come true.

Now you may be asking yourself why I'm talking about this. Well, today I was reminded of all those things. My dad is coming home from the hospital. Thank you to all those who helped me and my family to get through this, even if it was just listening as we let out our frustrations, fears, anger and doubt.

Is it always like this?

So today was the first day I had to report back to work. That was 10 hours of getting next o nothing done. We had to work in mixed groups to accomplish tasks and generate discussion and then we were in a presentation on accommodations for 3+ hours.

Now I should be clear on this point: I think schools should do everything (within reason) they can to accommodate those who learn differently. But here's the rub - the lecture was almost entirely geared toward those who teach out of a textbook and give homework and tests, and my classes just aren't like that. I suppose they could be if I wanted them to suck, but for the most part, I try to do stuff that is more hands on. Moreover, there were significant performative contradictions in this lecture.

The lecturer wanted us to not paint students with a broad brush and to target our teaching styles (meanwhile he was treating us as though we all taught the same way). He also told us to be sure in our lessons to be very specific about what was involved so that those who need that could get it (however, when he went over strategies for accommodation, it seemed to be one of he more vague things I've ever heard).

So there you have it. Time that could have been spent on any number of things - the least of which could have been departmental brainstorming on ways to accommodate - not totally wasted, but not terribly productive, either. Oh well, I guess that's teaching.

I'm a little messed up

It's kind of weird being back here. I only created this place as a way to vent about things in my life that I couldn't seem to deal with, and I guess that 's why I'm back. I was just reading the last post (seriously, 17 months ago?) and decided that I needed to catch up with myself. Here goes:

Things were going so well after the last post. I was engaged to a beautiful woman who I was truly in love with and working at the job of my dreams. The family seemed to be a little less crazy (sanity is too much to hope for, so I'll settle for less insane) and everyone was doing alright. Then, the walls started crashing in.

First (at least chronologically, if not by order of importance) the fiancee and I are no longer. She decided that I wasn't what she was looking for after all last November. That put me in a really bad place, and I'd like to give a special shout out to the only person who might even read this fr helping me to get through that.
I was really hoping that it could work out for the longest time, but recently have come to the realization that it's never going to happen. I guess that's life, but I don't have to like it. Right now I'm trying to get back on the horse, but that beast sits up high.

As a result of this, I start shopping around for new employment. That begins a whole other dilemma of finding a place to work and then deciding against it and then, finally, deciding that it would be a good fit after all. Just as I've made my mind up to take it, it goes to someone else. A little distressing, sure, but overall, this is not a big deal. I just wish I had been considered for the position.

Then the mack daddy of it all comes down. On May 17th my parents are in Plano for a wedding when my dad starts getting chest pains. He had a heart attack about 10 years ago, so we don't take chest pains lightly. He goes to the hospital in Plano and they discover that he is anemic. After a couple of days, we discover that it is due to an ulcerated mass in his stomach near his pancreas. I hope that no one ever has to go through the waiting to find out if a loved one has inoperable cancer or not, because those 24 hours or so were about all I thought I could take.

I remember when the nurse looked up the report and told my mom that the pancreas was clear of any development. I remember thinking that it was a real relief.

So we go to OKC r a procedure called a Whipple to remove this cancer that is isolated to the duodenum, and the surgical team there seems to do their jobs really well. The surgery goes off just fine, and when I call my brother to tell him that our father is alive and in recovery, I absolutely lose it. On a therapy note, I tend to bottle up feelings that I don't like and let them rush out all at once (probably why I'm an angry SOB right now, but that's getting ahead of myself).

Then the fun part starts. Dad has a bad reaction to some medication. Dad develops an incredibly rare blood disorder (actually, 2). Dad starts developing blood clots. Dad gets pneumonia. Dad had respiratory failure. Dad has renal failure. Dad starts going crazy. Dad goes into atrial fibrillation. Dad gets infections. Dad has abscessed fluid building up all over his abdomen. Dad loses virtually all of his muscle mass.

While all of this stuff isn't at the same time, it gets pretty bad. We all think we're going to lose him on no less than 3 separate occasions. He's in physical therapy rehab now, and we think he's finally getting better. I can say without reservation that the day he is able to go home will be the happiest day of my life.

But in the meantime, I am really upset. There are a lot of reasons, and I'm not that into putting them here, but I'm going to be posting a lot more often to try to deal with all of this. So sorry if you wasted your time reading this, I just needed to vent a little. I'll try to post things that are easier to read in the future.

Adios

Travel Time

Today I and my fiancée got up at two thirty in the morning to drive from Norman, OK to the Dallas-Fort Worth airport. We then had to

1. navigate a terrible structure
2. find parking that costs well more than I thought it would
3. get into the airport
4. get past security
5. remember that I left my phone in the car and I got to repeat steps 3 and 4.

We then got onto a plane that had screaming kids on it for 3 hours until we arrived in Chicago. The connecting flight to Baltimore was on the same airplane, so we got to wait for 45 minutes waiting for the next batch of cattle to get onboard. Another hour of turbulence filled flying and we touched down in the BWI airport, which neither of us has any real familiarity with.

Next we got onto a shuttle to get into Washington that made the turbulence feel like a massage chair. From the time that we registered for the shuttle until the time that we arrived at our hotel (which is about 31 miles away) 2 hours and 10 minutes had passed – a little side note: I’ve been to Honduras where they have one lane highways and gone faster than this experience.

We then got to the hotel and unpacked. My brother was there to pick us up and the three of us walked in the sleet/snow/hail for about 15 minutes to get to the subway. 20 minutes later we got off the subway and walked about another 10 min or so to my brother and sister-in-law’s house. I figure that, all in all, we spent about 13 or 14 consecutive hours in one form of transit or another.

And then I got to see my nephew for the first time.

Today was a good day.

Comic Book Movies

I was watching reruns of Scrubs tonight and JD was talking about how much he enjoyed the movie "Judge Dredd." That reminded me of when I went to see that movie (in the theater, no less) and after watching it, my brother made the astute comment, "I wish I had just burned my $5 [yes, back then movies only cost $5 (I sound more and more like my dad every day)]. It would have been faster and less painful to watch." It also got me to thinking that there have been some pretty bad-as-in-god-awful comic book movies made recently. With that in mind, and with Ghost Rider out this week, I'd like to pose a question: What are the 5 worst comic book movies ever made?

Here are the contenders:

Judge Dredd
Catwoman
Daredevil
Electra
Hulk
Batman Forever
Batman and Robin
Blade II
Blade Trinity
Constantine
Punisher
Spawn
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
X-Men 3

Of these, I think the worst are
5. Hulk
4. Judge Dredd
3. Batman and Robin
2. Electra
1. Catwoman

Any that I'm leaving out? What are your 5? And in case anyone is wondering, there is only one movie up here that I haven't seen. I love comic book movies. I think that they can be some of the best action movies out there (see X2 and Spider-Man 2) and, unfortunately, some of the worst.

Addiction: thy name is Fantasy

Well, it's official. I have become a total Fantasy Football addict. And before anyone starts on me about how I'm not all the way there yet, I know I don't have a multitude of teams on different leagues. But I am currently watching a show dedicated to Fantasy Football, I was listening to a show on the radio earlier, and I just got done debating my team for Week 6. I think I'm traveling down the dark path.

It's getting __________ all the time

Things in my life keep on getting (better / worse) - circle one.

Better:
Roommate left me a notice that he plans to leave (this is big time news!)

Worse:
Now, I have to find a way to suppliment the income I got from him.

Better:
I'm enrolled in all the classes I need to graduate!

Worse:
I'm behind in at least 2 of them, and catching up in your hardest 2 classes is double tough.

Better:
I've started walking more, and this is helping with my plan to get into better shape.

Worse:
The car needs major repair, and will probably become scrap at the end of the year.

Better:
I'm winning the first Fantasy Football league I've ever joined.

Worse:
Not for long. I'm playing against Unoquivocal Sunday and will get thouroughly stomped.

I Feel Lost

I'd like to give a little shout out to The Count and Unoquivocal, for they are the ones that turned me on to the excellence that is "Lost." I watched the first season of this show last year and was pretty blown away by it. But now, my obsession is getting out of control. I bought the second season last Tuesday, and I just finished the entire season Wednesday night, 8 days after my purchase.
While working 25 hours per week.

And taking 18 hours of class.

I'm so tired.