I’m glad to finally be among those clever and fortunate enough to talk about their bowel movements with the whole world! At last I have arrived! As an upfront disclaimer, I apologize in advance for diminishing the integrity of the internet with my ramblings. Here we go!
Ever since its cinematic release in 2004, I have loved “Shaun of the Dead.” I think it’s because every time I watch it, I look around the house/office/hotel room/car to see what objects I’d use to destroy Zombies should they ever decide to attack. A little side note, according to this interpretation of the limits of Zombies, this can be done by either “removing the head or destroying the brain.” Presumably, one can destroy the brain by pummeling a zombie with a blunt object in the cranial region. So there are the ground rules.
The 3 most useful items I decided on around my house were:
1) An Axe – possibly the most efficient object, it can be used to either cut off a head or bash in the head
2) A Sword - useful because you could decapitate the zombies.
3) A Scythe – possibly the least useful item of the three. It is designed to cut low, enabling one to only really attack the zombie’s feet.
Additionally, there are other items like a shovel, big kitchen knives, and a plumbers wrench that would be backups. So I feel pretty well secured should the zombies realize their power and decide to attack.
But here’s the rub. My roommate owns the top two weapons. Now for those of you not in the know (and how dare you not keep yourselves abreast of my personal dilemmas) my roommate and I have not been getting along as well as possible lately. It starts with him owing me a considerable sum of money and the fact that I don’t pick up after myself as well as I should, but basically, we don’t talk anymore. I’m sure the fact that neither of us can deal with our problems like rational human beings. And it’s been this way for so long, I don’t remember why it was we were friends in the first place. Now, many of my friends have weighed in on many sides of the roommate debate, everywhere from, “kick him out now,” to, “you should have kicked him out by now,” to, “why haven’t you kicked him out yet?” and they all bring up valid points. But I (perhaps foolishly) keep thinking that the friendship can be recaptured. Maybe I'm just hoping that I won't have to give up the top two zombie weapons.
3 comments:
Nope. I think you enjoy the loathing. Let's face it, you're like Grumpy Old Men. Literally. Or Cinematically, as the case may be. You ever get so used to hatin' that you aren't sure what you would hate if the center of your agression died? I think he's a good outlet of anger and a good distractor that should always be kept close for entertainment purposes...BTW, turn on the word verification to the blog. If you don't you'll get every porn and advertising link possible here...Great to see you about!
Other important zombie attack considerations:
1) Have a plan for automobile access- keep your keys with you and know where your car is at all times. If you valet park, you may as well stamp "zombie food" on your head.
2) Be aware of which malls are good zombie attack malls and which are not. Godd zombie attack malls have more than one floor, and an adequate food court.
3) Have a good leather jacket handy. Very useful for stopping unwanted zombie bites.
Welcome to those of us who are too obsessed with considering the Zombie-factor when making any decision... from parking to deciding where to sit in a crowded restaurant...
I'm doing a quick once-over our apartment for zombie weapons... super stout flashlights, kitchen knives, wrenches and screwdrivers... Nothing really fancy here, but our plan is to take over Wal*Mart down the road when they come. If you can make it to OKC, you're welcome into the commune; bring the list.
I'm a hellofa shot, once I get a gun. And you'll want me in the pharmacy to pick out the good stuff for you...
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